Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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