just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
