u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
