Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize