I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
