I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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