This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
