Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
