Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
