Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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