she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize