I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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