Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
