You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
