You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
