Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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