Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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