i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
