now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize