i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
