I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize