Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
