Sry I called you an 8
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
