at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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