Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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