I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
