just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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