Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
