Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
