i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
