I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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