What a fucking waste of an outfit
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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