What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
