Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's the barista slut.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
