i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
