You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
