Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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