i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
