He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Welp...herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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