i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
