I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
