If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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