My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
