btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's never too late to be topless.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
