If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
