You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize