I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
