someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
