i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
