you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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