its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
