If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
