you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
