In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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