a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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