One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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