Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
