some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
