my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize