I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
