my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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