There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
