I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
