ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
