turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
