I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize