I wannas sexs uuuuu
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's always time for handjobs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
