It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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