i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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