i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize