I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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