don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
