I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
