What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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