Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
