just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
