her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
