She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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