i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
