The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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