I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
