ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
