My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
