Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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