just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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