so explain again why im purple
no
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
