So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
