YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fill condoms, not promises.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
