How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
