They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
