If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
