I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
