Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you win again, gameday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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