Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
