Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
