I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
