He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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