can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
