his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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