Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My bed smells like the plague
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
