I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
