I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
