i just google imaged poop.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
