So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
