you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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