I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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