Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
