Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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