you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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