Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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