"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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