I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize