I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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