how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
