hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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