is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
