I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
