You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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