i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
