yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
