No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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