that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't think brook has ever known best
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
